Personal Ad
I’m really getting tired of this “do nothing” phase of my life. I think I’ll put an ad in the personals.
Let’s see, I could pretend that I look like Robert Redford, or maybe, “am a brain surgeon” or possibly, “own a Lamborghini”.
Aw, the hell with it! I’m going down to the singles bar and pretend I’m me!.
Friday, November 16, 2007
59 word "Space Soldier"
After five space campaigns, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stomach any more alien life forms.
It’s getting darker and they’ll be coming soon. There’s one crawling out of that crater!
What kind of planet could they possibly come from? They have four appendages, two upper and two lower, like me, but only one head!
How horrible!
It’s getting darker and they’ll be coming soon. There’s one crawling out of that crater!
What kind of planet could they possibly come from? They have four appendages, two upper and two lower, like me, but only one head!
How horrible!
59 Word "Haiku"
How do you make up a haiku for a 59 word short story contest? How about:
Silicon chips fall where they may.
Only the chips that fall near each other
Are called computers.
or:
My calico cat is fat.
She eats when I’m away and
isn’t hungry when I return.
Now let’s see how many words I have.
Silicon chips fall where they may.
Only the chips that fall near each other
Are called computers.
or:
My calico cat is fat.
She eats when I’m away and
isn’t hungry when I return.
Now let’s see how many words I have.
True Stories Beat on the Rocks
At my office one day, a small group of “the boys” were having a coffee break in one corner of our office room.. One of them told a slightly off color joke and everyone laughed.
Our secretary, who had overheard the joke, didn’t appreciate the telling of the joke in her presence and said “Don, didn’t your mother ever wash your mouth out with soap?”.
“No”, he said, “we were too poor, she used to take us down to the river and beat us on the rocks!”.
Our secretary, who had overheard the joke, didn’t appreciate the telling of the joke in her presence and said “Don, didn’t your mother ever wash your mouth out with soap?”.
“No”, he said, “we were too poor, she used to take us down to the river and beat us on the rocks!”.
True Stories Donald and Chemistry
I always looked up to my oldest brother, Donald, . because he was both very knowledgeable and because he was 18 years older than me!
One time when he and his family came to our house for a visit, I was studying chemistry from my community college class. When I told him the homework was pretty hard, he said, “You shouldn’t have much trouble with chemistry, I never thought it was very difficult”.
“That’s very easy for you to say”, I told him, “When you took chemistry, there was only earth, air fire and water!”.
One time when he and his family came to our house for a visit, I was studying chemistry from my community college class. When I told him the homework was pretty hard, he said, “You shouldn’t have much trouble with chemistry, I never thought it was very difficult”.
“That’s very easy for you to say”, I told him, “When you took chemistry, there was only earth, air fire and water!”.
True Stories Kimi and the Praying Mantis
The little girl next door was an avid “Beatle” fan, both the shaggy-haired and the crawling type. She was as happy with her record collection as she was with her “bug” collection. I was very surprised, therefore, to see her looking so sad and on the verge of tears one day and I asked her what was wrong.
“My praying mantis died”, she said sorrowfully.
“Oh, that’s too bad”, I said, comforting her, “How long did you have it”?
“Twenty minutes”, she said.
“My praying mantis died”, she said sorrowfully.
“Oh, that’s too bad”, I said, comforting her, “How long did you have it”?
“Twenty minutes”, she said.
True Stories New Year's Eve
My wife worked for a small community college in northern California. We were invited to a New Year’s Eve party along with her co-workers. I was talking with one of them and she told me that, a few weeks before, she and her girlfriend had gone to a singles bar in Sacramento.
They were sitting at the bar, when they noticed a guy “slithering” toward them through the crowd. He was wearing a light green polyester suit with shirt open a few buttons and s few gold chains.
The first thing he said was “Hi, what’s your sign?” My wife’s friend said “I’m a Feces”. He replied, :”Hey, great, I’m a Feces too!”
They were sitting at the bar, when they noticed a guy “slithering” toward them through the crowd. He was wearing a light green polyester suit with shirt open a few buttons and s few gold chains.
The first thing he said was “Hi, what’s your sign?” My wife’s friend said “I’m a Feces”. He replied, :”Hey, great, I’m a Feces too!”
True Stories Reno Gambling Trip
When I was returning from a gambling weekend in Reno in my little English sports car, I noticed that the lines at the agricultural inspection near Truckee were long. One of the inspectors motioned me to come over to the empty truck lane shed. As I approached the opening, I casually looked up at the sign which read “Vertical Clearance 14’ 6”.
The inspector walked over, looked down at my car, up at the sign and said “Yeah, I think you’ll make it”!
The inspector walked over, looked down at my car, up at the sign and said “Yeah, I think you’ll make it”!
True Stories "Sunglasses"
I had been going to my doctor for several years and was friendly with both him and his nurse.
One day, when I was shopping at the supermarket, I noticed this nice looking woman in shorts wearing sunglasses, was smiling at me. I couldn’t figure out who it was until she removed the sunglasses and I realized it was the nurse.
Embarrassed that I hadn’t realized who she was, I blurted, “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!”. She understood that I had meant her uniform but two nearby women shoppers had very shocked expressions on their faces!
One day, when I was shopping at the supermarket, I noticed this nice looking woman in shorts wearing sunglasses, was smiling at me. I couldn’t figure out who it was until she removed the sunglasses and I realized it was the nurse.
Embarrassed that I hadn’t realized who she was, I blurted, “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!”. She understood that I had meant her uniform but two nearby women shoppers had very shocked expressions on their faces!
True Stories Retired Navy Man
The mother of a friend of ours had remarried, a while back, to a retired Navy man. He had never really given up the “Navy way” and continually used Navy terminology in his everyday conversations.
His wife put up with this as long as she could until, after a few drinks at a party one night, she brought him up short by saying, “ I don’t mind when you call the floor, the deck, and the wall, the bulkhead, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pipe you aboard!”.
His wife put up with this as long as she could until, after a few drinks at a party one night, she brought him up short by saying, “ I don’t mind when you call the floor, the deck, and the wall, the bulkhead, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pipe you aboard!”.
True Stories Cat "Ah Sam"
When my sister, Shirley, and her husband, Bill Raney, first moved into the Menlo Park area of California, they started going to a nearby nursery to get plants to beautify their yard. This nursery was owned by an old Chinese man named Ah Sam.
A few months later, they decided to get a baby kitten from the pound for a pet ad named it “Ah Sam”. After the kitten was a little older, they realized that is was female and renamed it “Samuella”.
When the kitten got to the proper age, they had it fixed and changed the name to “Sam Spade”.
A few months later, they decided to get a baby kitten from the pound for a pet ad named it “Ah Sam”. After the kitten was a little older, they realized that is was female and renamed it “Samuella”.
When the kitten got to the proper age, they had it fixed and changed the name to “Sam Spade”.
True Stories "Beer Barrel Polka"
My wife and I were attending her cousin’s graduation, from grammar school, in a small logging town in northern California. The graduating class had 30 graduates. As the parents and other people arrived and were seated, the time for the processional came closer.
I noticed the principal was nervously looking at his watch and checking out the front door. He finally announced the regular pianist had not gotten there and asked if anyone in the audience could play the piano. No one said anything until one lady meekly raised here hand admitting she could play the piano.
Soon the graduates were marching down to aisle to the tune of the “Beer Barrel Polka”, the only song she knew!
I noticed the principal was nervously looking at his watch and checking out the front door. He finally announced the regular pianist had not gotten there and asked if anyone in the audience could play the piano. No one said anything until one lady meekly raised here hand admitting she could play the piano.
Soon the graduates were marching down to aisle to the tune of the “Beer Barrel Polka”, the only song she knew!
True Stories Okey Dokey
My wife was the housing director of a small community college in northern California. The dorms quite often had foreign students coming there to brush up on their English and other subjects before going on to major universities.
Just before school started in September, several young women from Japan arrived and, using there limited English, inquired if they could be taken into the nearby town to purchase some additional clothes. My wife had one her student dorm assistants get a car and they started out to town.
Just as they approached the first traffic signal, she asked them where they would like to go. One of the student’s had a friend who had been to this area before and she said the name of a department store. The dorm assistant said “Okey Dokey!”. As soon at the car
rolled to a stop, the girls jumped out of the car and stood along side. She yelled at them to get back in as the signal was changing!
As they went on into the town, she found out that “Oke do ke” in Japanese meant “Stand up” and, since they couldn’t stand up in the car, as soon as it rolled to a stop, they had gotten out of the car.
Just before school started in September, several young women from Japan arrived and, using there limited English, inquired if they could be taken into the nearby town to purchase some additional clothes. My wife had one her student dorm assistants get a car and they started out to town.
Just as they approached the first traffic signal, she asked them where they would like to go. One of the student’s had a friend who had been to this area before and she said the name of a department store. The dorm assistant said “Okey Dokey!”. As soon at the car
rolled to a stop, the girls jumped out of the car and stood along side. She yelled at them to get back in as the signal was changing!
As they went on into the town, she found out that “Oke do ke” in Japanese meant “Stand up” and, since they couldn’t stand up in the car, as soon as it rolled to a stop, they had gotten out of the car.
True Stories (Chico)
In the late 1950’s when I was working in the traffic department of CalTrans in Marysville, I was taking a traffic in a little triangular park at the south end of the Chico business district where the one way streets came together.
I was sitting in a canvas chair with a counter board and was recording the movements of traffic through the intersection, when I became aware of someone looking over my shoulder. When I turned to the right, I noticed this “little old lady” looking at what I was doing.
“Are you getting much radiation from those cars” she asked with a serious inquisitive look on her face.
“What was that?” I answered.
She said that she had read that, due to the above ground nuclear testing in southern Nevada, fallout was causing a buildup of Strontium 90 on the roofs of cars.
I told her that I was just taking a traffic count for a traffic light study and showed her how as each car approached the intersection, going straight through or making a turn, I would push the tally counter button corresponding to that particular movement for later use in determining the types of traffic signals and signing.
She smiled as she turned to walk away and said, “I know, you can’t talk about it!”>
I was sitting in a canvas chair with a counter board and was recording the movements of traffic through the intersection, when I became aware of someone looking over my shoulder. When I turned to the right, I noticed this “little old lady” looking at what I was doing.
“Are you getting much radiation from those cars” she asked with a serious inquisitive look on her face.
“What was that?” I answered.
She said that she had read that, due to the above ground nuclear testing in southern Nevada, fallout was causing a buildup of Strontium 90 on the roofs of cars.
I told her that I was just taking a traffic count for a traffic light study and showed her how as each car approached the intersection, going straight through or making a turn, I would push the tally counter button corresponding to that particular movement for later use in determining the types of traffic signals and signing.
She smiled as she turned to walk away and said, “I know, you can’t talk about it!”>
My Cat Never Came Back From the Korean War
Smokey was a veteran of many cat fights. His ears were shredded and there were scars where many bites and scratches had gotten infected. I became very adept at being his personal “cat doctor”.
When he was 12 years old, an incident happened that I could not take care of. He had been missing for 2 or 3 weeks. I went out one morning and he was laying on the front porch, more dead than alive. He was very skinny and was dragging his right front leg by a sinew of skin. I figured he had gone through a mowing machine as there had been mowing machines working in the fields in the area.
Smokey was family and we took him to the veterinarian in a nearby town. The doctor neatened up the amputation. I fed him with an eye dropper and dusted the amputation with sulfa powder. Slowly, he got better and fur started growing over the stub. It was almost humorous seeing him go to the bathroom. The paw that wasn’t there dug a hole. Afterwards, he covered up the mess with the paw that wasn’t there.
I knew he was getting much better when I looked out the window one morning and saw him chasing and catching a female cat. Doing pushups with the front leg made his leg very muscular. My mother got a younger cat for company. The cats ate together in separate bowls. When the young cat was finished with his food, he came across and started to eat out of Smokey’s bowl. Smokey watched for a minute and then knocked the young cat across the kitchen with that well muscled leg. Needless to say, the cat learned the lesson and was very careful after that.
I lived in a two story house with a basement. A window into the basement, for light, had a one foot casement frame. One day, my father’s friend brought his prize field trials black and tan hound to show him. He came around the corner of the house and Smokey was sitting in the window frame. The hound started growling and coming closer. “He won’t hurt your cat”, the friend said, but the hound came closer. Suddenly, that leg that been doing pushups for a few years, flashed out and ripped off the end of the hound’s nose and he was no longer a field trials hound.
In February 1951, I was drafted into the army at Fort Ord, California. One week later, I got a letter from my mother telling me that the day I left for Fort Ord, Smokey had left home and was never seen again.
When I got home from basic training, I was talking to the owner of a local service station in town and he remembered seeing a gray three legged cat hopping along the highway to the south. I have no idea how far he got in his quest to find me.
In a dream once, Smokey had gotten all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge and didn’t have the toll to hop across the bridge!
Trivia sold to the National Enquirer
How I got published in the National Enquirer
The tabloid used trivia questions and I had a few I knew of from different sources that I had read.
First was based on the famous story of the Battle of Balaklava in the Crimean War. There was a famous peon by Lord Tennyson called “The Charge of the Light Brigade” (Guns to the left of them, Guns to the right of them, Into the Valley of Death rode the Six Hundred).
The trivia question was what two pieces of clothing were named after the British commanders?
Answer: Cardigan sweaters after Lord Cardigan, the commander, and his superior, Lord Raglan, for raglan sleeves found on shirts.
The second trivia was based on JFK and PT 109. PT 109 was part of a PT boat squadron. Who was in charge of the PT boat squadron?
Answer: John Mitchell, Nixon’s Attorney General.
An additional item on the PT 109, a friend of mine in Yuba City was on the PT 109 that rescued JFK from shark infested waters. His name is Joe Roberts. Kennedy invited him and paid his way to come to his inauguration. He was standing six rows behind LBJ in the news photo of the event.
The tabloid used trivia questions and I had a few I knew of from different sources that I had read.
First was based on the famous story of the Battle of Balaklava in the Crimean War. There was a famous peon by Lord Tennyson called “The Charge of the Light Brigade” (Guns to the left of them, Guns to the right of them, Into the Valley of Death rode the Six Hundred).
The trivia question was what two pieces of clothing were named after the British commanders?
Answer: Cardigan sweaters after Lord Cardigan, the commander, and his superior, Lord Raglan, for raglan sleeves found on shirts.
The second trivia was based on JFK and PT 109. PT 109 was part of a PT boat squadron. Who was in charge of the PT boat squadron?
Answer: John Mitchell, Nixon’s Attorney General.
An additional item on the PT 109, a friend of mine in Yuba City was on the PT 109 that rescued JFK from shark infested waters. His name is Joe Roberts. Kennedy invited him and paid his way to come to his inauguration. He was standing six rows behind LBJ in the news photo of the event.
Visits to Hiroshima
In a January of 1952, I was sent to Japan to take a course for a supply specialist by my company commander. The supply sergeant was an old man and was going to retire soon. The school was at the former Japanese Naval Academy on Eta Jima, an island in the Inland Sea, off the coast near Hiroshima. When I got to Tokyo in a 4 engine C-54, we got there at night. The downtown area was very well lit but your could see hundreds of acres of small lights. Tokyo is one of the largest cities in the world.
I was put on one of their high speed Bullet Trains and had a stateroom to myself. We were told that it would be an 8 hour 500 mile overnight trip to Osaka where we would transfer to a ferry boat to go to the island. Right on time, I woke up, looked out the window to see the city limit sign for Osaka flash by.
The barracks we stayed in was a four story building and the PX was in a building with a massive brass door with a heavy bronze scene commemorating Japan’s victory over the Russians on the Tsushima Straits in 1906. I recently acquired the second issue of LIFE magazine and on the inside was a picture of Emperor Hirohito sitting under a canopy watching a Sumo wrestling contest. In the background was the same building that was my barracks.
I was at the school for 3 weeks and took the ferry to Hiroshima three different times. Many remembrances of those times. When I first got off the ferry boat, I went past a Samurai sword store and in the window was a genuine jewel covered children’s sword for $20. Boy, do I wish I had it now. It would be on eBay where I see this kind of thing often.
As I walked into town, I noticed a lot of British and Australians as this area was in the British Occupation zone. Their soldiers had their hands deep in their pants to keep warm. It is very cold in Japan at that time of the year. A British Red Cap MP was directing traffic from a wooden stand. When he saw me with my hands in my pockets, he stopped traffic, walked over to me and yelled “Get your bloomin ‘ands out of your blasted pockets!”
As I walked into town, I noticed a Danny Kaye movie “On the Riviera” at one of the theaters surrounded by Japanese characters on the billboard. I should have gone in and watched Danny Kay speaking Japanese!
Further in town, I saw this horribly mangled man shuffling toward me. He turned his back toward me and it was a massive burn scar. I was sure he would incite the crowd to string me up for being on the side that dropped the atomic bomb. However, he turned back to me, showed me a photo taken by a Japanese photographer with his back on fire. He then bowed and handed me a card which read “K. K. Kikura Number One Atom Bomb Sufferer” and wanted to sell me his autograph.
I went to a stage show there which was sort of like a burlesque house here. I knew enough Japanese to get a laugh at the “Baggy Pants” comedian’s routine with the two very cute girls. The theater seating was unique. In front, were loge seats and behind them, two rows of reclining seats behind glass with piped in sound. Behind those seats, were two bedrooms behind glass with shades to pull if you didn’t want to watch the show!
Near the railroad station was a 7 story department store with a central atrium and mezzanine shops. On the roof of the store and extending over a neighboring building, was a small amusement park. One attraction was a fish pool where a child could catch a goldfish for her aquarium.
I ate at the Australian army PX a few times. I got a 7 course Australian steak dinner, gave the cashier 50 cents and got back an Australian coin worth 3 cents. Once, when I walked in, there were some drunk Australian soldiers. One of them loudly yelled “There’s one of them goddam Yanks. In Korea, we had to eat hardtack and they got tutti fruiti ice cream!”
I got to know a corporal from the Canadian Army who was in the Princess Pat Regiment from Victoria, B.C. and a Lieutenant Commander from the Australian Navy. In the latter case, I would have to stop him and ask what he said. He was speaking the King’s English but it surely wasn’t American English.
When I went back to Tokyo to prepare to go back to Okinawa, I went to the very large Tokyo PX. It was 6 floors jam packed with goodies, pearls, cameras, silks and other items. They have a register there where you first came in and I signed my name. On the previous page was the signature of Lt. Bob Heilman from Live Oak (he had been in WW II and had been recalled for the Korean War) and Ernie Eisenhauer who I had gone to high school with. I felt a tap on my shoulder and when I turned around there was a black soldier from basic training with a $20 bill in his hand. I had loaned it to him before he went overseas after I was held at Ft.Ord waiting for my glasses.
My last remembrance was of when I was in Yokahama on my way home. Since the ship was going to be there for a day or two, we were able to get shore leave. I was getting hungry but, at the time, I didn’t like Japanese food. I went to a Hotel Green which advertised “Japan’s Finest Italian Food” and had some pretty good spaghetti. Now I like Japanese food much better than Chinese.
The ship took 11 days to get back by the Great Circle Route coming within 500 miles of the Aleutian Islands. The morning of the last day out, I got up early. The ship was paralleling the California coast before going under the Golden Gate and it really felt good to be there. A lot of the guys that I trained with at Fort Ord, didn’t make it and I consider myself very lucky.
My Dad
In the mid thirties, my dad was no longer able to farm out his 25 acres due to the onset of arthritis and later, blindness. He rented it out to farmers to grow melons, poppies and sunflowers. He had begun to have an interest in real estate and insurance to support our family of three boys and two girls.
We spent the summer of 1937 when we went to the University of California Medical Center in San Francisco to try and find out what was causing the arthritis. We lived on Stanyan Street across from Golden Gate Park and near Kezar Stadium, future home of the San Francisco 49ers. One day, a bully chased me home. He was throwing matches in through the mail slot and I was stamping them out as fast as I could. I guess I saved San Francisco from another great fire!
We spent the summer of 1939 in Paradise to escape from the valley heat. He was in a wheel chair at that time. I had to leave Smokey, my cat, in Live Oak with the people who took care of our place.
A neighbor kid, Jack Griffin, and I used to ride up to the old Magalia store for ice cream cones often. When I moved to Magalia in 1999, the trail, just off the Skyway, was still there. Jack later became mayor of Paradise and later Butte County supervisor. I got a chance to visit with him about two months before he died.
In Live Oak, Dad used to give me 10 cents for every yellow hammer (flicker) that I could kill. They were pecking holes in the second story under the roof line. I got a lot and even killed one with a dirt clod that was flying from Uncle Oscar’s house to our house. I also killed a lot of magpies who used to wake me up around 5 AM with their cawing. One morning, I took my .22 rifle (using short shorts), went up to a window that was on the landing going to the second floor and slightly raised the window. I got eleven of them and they never came back.
I took care of my Dad when Mom would go to Marysville on the Gibson Bus for her appointment with her podiatrist. The bus picked her up at out front gate (we were about a half mile from the station in town) and dropped her off in the afternoon.
Dad and I listened to the radio with all the old radio programs, like Fibber Magee and Molly and Lum and Abner. We also used to listen to all the news broadcasts with H. V. Kaltenborn, Lowell Thomas, Sam Hayes and other newscasters. During World War II, it was exciting when a program stopped and the words “We interrupt this program” and an important event in the war would be broadcast, such as D Day, as I knew George would be there. He dropped paratroopers into Normandy at 11:30 at night on June 6th.
Also, I would play the 78 rpm records of “Talking Books” provided by the State for the Blind. Big cases would arrive in the mail, we would both listen to them and then, mail them back. I remember “Gone with the Wind” took 80 records. I also enjoyed “Wayfaring Stranger” read by Burl Ives. He also sang “Blue Tail Fly” and “Jimmy Crack Corn”.
By the way, Mom took me out of school to go to Marysville to see “Gone With the Wind”. Because Clark Gable said the “d” word to Scarlett O’Hara, she was drummed out of the Live Oak Women ‘s Club.
Dad did pretty good in his real estate and insurance business. We all had the opportunity to go to college. Donald went to Herald’s Business College, Shirley, George and I graduated from Yuba College and Dorothy graduated from UC Berkeley. He made over $16,000 in 1946, blind and laying flat on his back. Other realtors were after him for selling a place to a Hindu. This man, Chanchl Singh, was a leader in the East Indian community and directed other farmers to Dad to find places for them to settle down. At my Dad’s funeral , Mr. Singh was there weeping copiously.
He got along well with other realtors, but once I saw an unscrupulous one from Gridley, Roy Bray, in operation.. Dad was talking with a prospective buyer. Bray came to the screen door and motioned for the guy to come outside. They drove away together. Dad didn’t know he had left until I came in and told him. That made him cry.
Every month, a Fireman’s Fund insurance man came around to answer questions that agent would have. This man was “Stoney” Dorn. After business stuff, they would talk about other things. Once, “Stoney” told Dad that he had been on the University of California track team. Dad told “Stoney” that he had been on the Stanford track team (he was Pacific Coast Conference 880 yard and 2 mile champ).
It turned out that they had competed at the Big Meet between California and Stanford in Berkeley. Dad was on his way to winning the 880 when he was bumped off the track and out of contention. In further talking, it was “Stoney” who had done it.
We spent the summer of 1937 when we went to the University of California Medical Center in San Francisco to try and find out what was causing the arthritis. We lived on Stanyan Street across from Golden Gate Park and near Kezar Stadium, future home of the San Francisco 49ers. One day, a bully chased me home. He was throwing matches in through the mail slot and I was stamping them out as fast as I could. I guess I saved San Francisco from another great fire!
We spent the summer of 1939 in Paradise to escape from the valley heat. He was in a wheel chair at that time. I had to leave Smokey, my cat, in Live Oak with the people who took care of our place.
A neighbor kid, Jack Griffin, and I used to ride up to the old Magalia store for ice cream cones often. When I moved to Magalia in 1999, the trail, just off the Skyway, was still there. Jack later became mayor of Paradise and later Butte County supervisor. I got a chance to visit with him about two months before he died.
In Live Oak, Dad used to give me 10 cents for every yellow hammer (flicker) that I could kill. They were pecking holes in the second story under the roof line. I got a lot and even killed one with a dirt clod that was flying from Uncle Oscar’s house to our house. I also killed a lot of magpies who used to wake me up around 5 AM with their cawing. One morning, I took my .22 rifle (using short shorts), went up to a window that was on the landing going to the second floor and slightly raised the window. I got eleven of them and they never came back.
I took care of my Dad when Mom would go to Marysville on the Gibson Bus for her appointment with her podiatrist. The bus picked her up at out front gate (we were about a half mile from the station in town) and dropped her off in the afternoon.
Dad and I listened to the radio with all the old radio programs, like Fibber Magee and Molly and Lum and Abner. We also used to listen to all the news broadcasts with H. V. Kaltenborn, Lowell Thomas, Sam Hayes and other newscasters. During World War II, it was exciting when a program stopped and the words “We interrupt this program” and an important event in the war would be broadcast, such as D Day, as I knew George would be there. He dropped paratroopers into Normandy at 11:30 at night on June 6th.
Also, I would play the 78 rpm records of “Talking Books” provided by the State for the Blind. Big cases would arrive in the mail, we would both listen to them and then, mail them back. I remember “Gone with the Wind” took 80 records. I also enjoyed “Wayfaring Stranger” read by Burl Ives. He also sang “Blue Tail Fly” and “Jimmy Crack Corn”.
By the way, Mom took me out of school to go to Marysville to see “Gone With the Wind”. Because Clark Gable said the “d” word to Scarlett O’Hara, she was drummed out of the Live Oak Women ‘s Club.
Dad did pretty good in his real estate and insurance business. We all had the opportunity to go to college. Donald went to Herald’s Business College, Shirley, George and I graduated from Yuba College and Dorothy graduated from UC Berkeley. He made over $16,000 in 1946, blind and laying flat on his back. Other realtors were after him for selling a place to a Hindu. This man, Chanchl Singh, was a leader in the East Indian community and directed other farmers to Dad to find places for them to settle down. At my Dad’s funeral , Mr. Singh was there weeping copiously.
He got along well with other realtors, but once I saw an unscrupulous one from Gridley, Roy Bray, in operation.. Dad was talking with a prospective buyer. Bray came to the screen door and motioned for the guy to come outside. They drove away together. Dad didn’t know he had left until I came in and told him. That made him cry.
Every month, a Fireman’s Fund insurance man came around to answer questions that agent would have. This man was “Stoney” Dorn. After business stuff, they would talk about other things. Once, “Stoney” told Dad that he had been on the University of California track team. Dad told “Stoney” that he had been on the Stanford track team (he was Pacific Coast Conference 880 yard and 2 mile champ).
It turned out that they had competed at the Big Meet between California and Stanford in Berkeley. Dad was on his way to winning the 880 when he was bumped off the track and out of contention. In further talking, it was “Stoney” who had done it.
George and the FBI
When my brother, George, died in 1997, people at the funeral were telling stories about their feelings about him and their relationships they had with him. Friends from CalTrans (including the District Engineer), Air Force friends and, of course, family members. My sister, Dorothy got up to some something and then it was my turn.
I told about the time George was in SAC in Florida. At that time, one third of SAC was in the air at all times. He told me that if the red phone by his seat rang, it would be an order to got to a certain location in Russia and drop an atomic bomb.
With the Cold War paranoia that was going on at the time, The FBI were checking out every person with the idea that a spy might get in SAC and when the order came to bomb Russia, they would bomb Washington D. C. instead.
They actually came to Live Oak to make inquiries about him. They checked with the high school principal, the postmaster (who happened to be my aunt), the mayor and other city officials. They also checked with private citizens.
At a large class reunion covering the previous 50 years, he and my older brother, Donald, and my brother in law, Bill Raney, were talking with members of several classes in their age group and six of these people remembered the FBI checking with them. They convinced them that he was OK by telling them that George was the best paper boy they had ever had.
I told about the time George was in SAC in Florida. At that time, one third of SAC was in the air at all times. He told me that if the red phone by his seat rang, it would be an order to got to a certain location in Russia and drop an atomic bomb.
With the Cold War paranoia that was going on at the time, The FBI were checking out every person with the idea that a spy might get in SAC and when the order came to bomb Russia, they would bomb Washington D. C. instead.
They actually came to Live Oak to make inquiries about him. They checked with the high school principal, the postmaster (who happened to be my aunt), the mayor and other city officials. They also checked with private citizens.
At a large class reunion covering the previous 50 years, he and my older brother, Donald, and my brother in law, Bill Raney, were talking with members of several classes in their age group and six of these people remembered the FBI checking with them. They convinced them that he was OK by telling them that George was the best paper boy they had ever had.
Other Memories of San Francisco Part II
In live theater, I saw Zero Mostel in “Rhinoceros”, “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown”, “The Fantasticks”, “Little Me” (with Sid Caesar) and “110 in the Shade” (based on the “Rainmaker”). At a later date (2001) I had an opportunity to see Richie Havens perform at the Paradise Performing Arts Center. I got to tell him that I had seen him at the Hungry I in 1968 and that his hair was grayer than it was when I first saw him!
I saw my first improv comedy group “The Committee”. Some of the members of the group are still acting and I see a few of them once in a while on TV and in the movies.
One was a regular on the Bob Newhart Show. Larry Hankin I see often. He was the original Kramer on Seinfeld.
I went to Muir Woods National Park once and , in walking around the loop trail, I recognized a national figure and his wife walking toward me. It was Daniel Ellsburg who wrote “The Pentagon Papers” which exposed LBJ and his reasons for going into Viet Nam. After I asked him if he was Daniel Ellsburg, he backed away. I told him I admired him for what he did for our country. He told me that when people came up to him, as I did, he didn’t know if they were going to hit him for what he had done or not. The night before I met him, the FBI and broken into his home in Mill Valley and ransacked it trying to find anything to discredit it him.
One time, I was listening to KSFO to hear Don Sherwood, my morning DJ, when there was an announcement of a contest for a limerick for Golden Grain Pasta. I immediately sat down wrote:
There once was a man named O’Toole
Who disliked pasta as a rule
‘Til he tried Golden Grain
And it went to his brain
And now he is a Pasta Fool
When I went to work one day, Jerry Harkenrider said he had heard the limerick from “Bob Ramsdell of Yuba City”. I guess that was my 15 seconds of fame. I was surprised a few days later to get a box from Golden Grain with 30 pounds of every type of pasta they made. We had several packages and my wife sent me down to the spare bedroom to get another type only to find out that the cat had peed all over the pasta and we had to throw it out.
I happened to be in San Francisco in June of 1946. I was listening to the radio, one afternoon, and there was “breaking news” story. There was an escape attempt on Alcatraz. I grabbed my brother-in-law’s 20 power binoculars and rushed up the hill to where I could get a good view of what was going on. I braced the binoculars against my knees to steady them and watched the event. There were many small boats circling the island and I could see guards on the outside walkways lobbing tear gas grenades into the barred windows. I could also clearly hear machine gun fire on the island even though it is 1.4 miles away. No one escaped that time although I think a later one, which the Clint Eastwood movie was based on, the escapees made it to near the Golden Gate Bridge. On an attempt to duplicate it on the “Mythbuster” program, it was a possibility that they had escaped.
I saw my first improv comedy group “The Committee”. Some of the members of the group are still acting and I see a few of them once in a while on TV and in the movies.
One was a regular on the Bob Newhart Show. Larry Hankin I see often. He was the original Kramer on Seinfeld.
I went to Muir Woods National Park once and , in walking around the loop trail, I recognized a national figure and his wife walking toward me. It was Daniel Ellsburg who wrote “The Pentagon Papers” which exposed LBJ and his reasons for going into Viet Nam. After I asked him if he was Daniel Ellsburg, he backed away. I told him I admired him for what he did for our country. He told me that when people came up to him, as I did, he didn’t know if they were going to hit him for what he had done or not. The night before I met him, the FBI and broken into his home in Mill Valley and ransacked it trying to find anything to discredit it him.
One time, I was listening to KSFO to hear Don Sherwood, my morning DJ, when there was an announcement of a contest for a limerick for Golden Grain Pasta. I immediately sat down wrote:
There once was a man named O’Toole
Who disliked pasta as a rule
‘Til he tried Golden Grain
And it went to his brain
And now he is a Pasta Fool
When I went to work one day, Jerry Harkenrider said he had heard the limerick from “Bob Ramsdell of Yuba City”. I guess that was my 15 seconds of fame. I was surprised a few days later to get a box from Golden Grain with 30 pounds of every type of pasta they made. We had several packages and my wife sent me down to the spare bedroom to get another type only to find out that the cat had peed all over the pasta and we had to throw it out.
I happened to be in San Francisco in June of 1946. I was listening to the radio, one afternoon, and there was “breaking news” story. There was an escape attempt on Alcatraz. I grabbed my brother-in-law’s 20 power binoculars and rushed up the hill to where I could get a good view of what was going on. I braced the binoculars against my knees to steady them and watched the event. There were many small boats circling the island and I could see guards on the outside walkways lobbing tear gas grenades into the barred windows. I could also clearly hear machine gun fire on the island even though it is 1.4 miles away. No one escaped that time although I think a later one, which the Clint Eastwood movie was based on, the escapees made it to near the Golden Gate Bridge. On an attempt to duplicate it on the “Mythbuster” program, it was a possibility that they had escaped.
Other San Francisco Memories
Miscellaneous San Francisco Items
My parents let me go down to visit my sister, Shirley, in June of 1947, to see my favorite comedian, Danny Kaye. I had seen all of his movies and here was a chance to see him in person. They had just bought me my first good camera, an Argus C3, for a graduation from high school present. I took this picture of him from the audience. This was his last performance in San Francisco. After he and the other performer, singer Georgia Gibbs, finished their 45 minutes, he came to the front of the stage and asked if any one wanted to see the movie that played between acts. It was “The Lone Wolf in Mexico” and everyone roared “No!”, so they performed for another 45 minutes. At the end, a lady from the audience gave them some flowers and another lady, a cake.
The line waiting to get in was backed up a long way up Golden Gate Avenue so, to thin out the audience, he told every one to come to the stage door and he would give us an autographed 8x10 photo of him, which I did.
I also saw Tex Ritter at the Golden Gate Theater. He sang all his favorites like “High Noon” and “Rye Whiskey”. He was a shy person and didn’t say much between songs, but there were some funny things he said. One was “As you slide down the banister of life, remember me as a splinter in your career” and “If all the women wore wooden dresses, all the men would be hunchbacked from looking through the knot holes”.
I saw quite a few other celebrities in San Francisco in the 60’s and 70’s. I saw Miles Davis at the Blackhawk. It was early and the crowds hadn’t come in yet. He was “noodling” with 5 other musicians (I recognized Pete and Conde Condoli). He left the group, lit up a cigarette, got a drink and came and sat on a bar stool next to me. He put out his cigarette, went back to the group and blended in seamlessly in the song they were playing.
I saw Turk Murphy and his New Orleans Jazz Ban on the waterfront, Harry Belafonte at the War Memorial Opera House and, at the Hungry I, Mike Nichols, the Kingston Trio, Richie Havens (who opened Woodstock with “Here Comes the Sun”) and Dick Gautier who was Hymie the Robot on “Get Smart”.
1945 San Francisco
In June 1945, I happened to be in San Francisco when the United Nations Conference was going on. It was being held at the Fairmont Hotel at the end of a steep hill. When the parade went by, I saw every major leader in the world from 15 feet away. President Truman was in the lead car. There was a small boy in a wheel chair next to me and the Secret Service made him stand up when the President came by I suppose to make sure the little kid didn’t have a bomb on his lap. Truman’s Secret Service men were huffing and puffing when they finally reached the top. After Truman was Molotov, Madame Chiang Kai Shek, Anthony Eden, Secretary of State Edward Tetanus, Air Force General Hap Arnold, Field Marshall Jan Christian Smuts of South Africa, Jan Masaryk of Czechoslovakia, who was assassinated in 1948, and many other world leaders.
I walked up the hill to see the cars outside the hotel. As I went up the hill, I noticed a distinguished looking Arab flanked by two tall dark body guards. A gust of wind blew up his “dress” and he had two pearl handled pistols strapped on. It was Crown Prince Faisal of Saudi Arabia. I read someplace afterward that he had put on his western type suit and had a few beers with some friends at UC Berkeley. He was later assassinated in a coup in Saudi Arabia.
The city was full of military men from all countries. I was walking toward Market Street a few days later and saw this huge burly bear of a man, a Russian admiral, coming toward me. Russians don’t wear ribbons like our service men but wear the actual medals and they were going “cling..cling..cling” as he neared.
Our servicemen are supposed to salute officers of friendly foreign nations and these sailors saluted and said “Hi, comrade!”. He turned and you could tell he didn’t like the way they saluted him, as he growled something in Russian at them.
Another day, I went out to the amusement park along the ocean. This one roller coaster was full of black suited Russian Maritime Marine sailors most of whom had had too much vodka. While I was watching, one of them in the front seat crawled over the rest to talk to his buddy in the last seat. Another stood up in his seat to see the sign, in English, which said “Do not stand up” and nearly got wiped out by a cross bar.
Another interesting service man I happened to see was a French sailor who was wearing a tam-o-shanter type of cap and a horizontal striped shirt. The different thing was that he was black with dyed red hair and he was talking with a buddy and sounded just like Charles Boyer.
Finally, another thing I saw on Market Street, was a large motorcycle seat, probably for a Harley, being carried by 3 sailors and a 4th was riding it.
Many memories of a famous time of our country’s history with the people who made it.
I walked up the hill to see the cars outside the hotel. As I went up the hill, I noticed a distinguished looking Arab flanked by two tall dark body guards. A gust of wind blew up his “dress” and he had two pearl handled pistols strapped on. It was Crown Prince Faisal of Saudi Arabia. I read someplace afterward that he had put on his western type suit and had a few beers with some friends at UC Berkeley. He was later assassinated in a coup in Saudi Arabia.
The city was full of military men from all countries. I was walking toward Market Street a few days later and saw this huge burly bear of a man, a Russian admiral, coming toward me. Russians don’t wear ribbons like our service men but wear the actual medals and they were going “cling..cling..cling” as he neared.
Our servicemen are supposed to salute officers of friendly foreign nations and these sailors saluted and said “Hi, comrade!”. He turned and you could tell he didn’t like the way they saluted him, as he growled something in Russian at them.
Another day, I went out to the amusement park along the ocean. This one roller coaster was full of black suited Russian Maritime Marine sailors most of whom had had too much vodka. While I was watching, one of them in the front seat crawled over the rest to talk to his buddy in the last seat. Another stood up in his seat to see the sign, in English, which said “Do not stand up” and nearly got wiped out by a cross bar.
Another interesting service man I happened to see was a French sailor who was wearing a tam-o-shanter type of cap and a horizontal striped shirt. The different thing was that he was black with dyed red hair and he was talking with a buddy and sounded just like Charles Boyer.
Finally, another thing I saw on Market Street, was a large motorcycle seat, probably for a Harley, being carried by 3 sailors and a 4th was riding it.
Many memories of a famous time of our country’s history with the people who made it.
More Memories of San Francisco Part III
In 1940, my parents let me go down to San Francisco to visit with my sister Shirley after school was out. I went down by myself on the Sacramento Northern Railway. When we reached Suisun Bay, the train went on a ferry boat and on the other side, we went through Moraga, home of St. Mary’s College, and then to the Oakland Mole where I boarded the ferry to San Francisco.
Shirley had told me that her address, 28 Waldo Alley, was up the hill from Market Street so I started walking carrying my heavy suitcase. I was dressed in suit with a tie and Fedora hat. My mom had pinned Shirley’s address and phone number to my coat, shirt, pants and maybe even my shorts! After I climbed up a few hills, I was pooped so I asked a cop about where 28 Waldo Alley was and he pointed to another hill off in the distance. He wanted to know if he could call me a cab and I said OK. The cabbie finally found the address in a short street off a main street 10 or so blocks from the Bay.
The cabbie carried my suitcase up three flights of stairs and I knocked on the door and Shirley came out. I had wanted to make sure I had the right address. I asked the cabbie how much the fare was and he said “45 cents”. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of country bumpkin so I gave him 50 cents and said “Keep the change”. That was probably equal to a $2.00 tip when he told the other cabbies about me.
A few days later, I saw a parade on Market Street for the San Francisco World’s Fair. There were city dignitaries, members of various countries from the fair, Circus performers and animals. There was even a group of women from Sally Rand’s Nude Ranch! They were on horseback with cowboy hats, neckerchiefs and pistols placed strategically to cover up what I was too young to see. Damn!!
The next day, I took the Key System train to Treasure Island. They first thing you saw was the giant state of Pacifica. You were surrounded by foreign looking people, many languages and an opportunity to try foods from many countries. I saw Robert Ripley’s Believe it or Not with the man himself. I saw a China Clipper take off for Hawaii. I saw a famous stunt flyer, Tex Rickert, fly upside down 15’ off the ground and pick a handkerchief being held up for him by a man on the ground. There was an animated diorama of Prehistoric life with a cave man and a saber toothed tiger. The tiger had opened and closed his mouth so often the sawdust stuffing was starting to come out.
I saw Wendell Willkie who was campaigning for President come by and wave to the people. I saw a 26’ long python being taken to a new cage being held in a straight line by 20 burly men.
Finally, as it was beginning to get dark, I went to see the huge production called The Cavalcade of the Golden West. It was on a 300’ long stage. There was a recreation of the Oklahoma Land Rush, Custer’s Last Stand., the discovery of gold at Sutter’s Mill, and other historic events. At the end, there was a cattle drive across the stage. A “moon” object was up at the top of the stage against the background of the skyscrapers of San Francisco. On the left, was a cowboy singing a lulling song for the nighttime cattle drive. It was Eddy Arnold singing Cattle Call. I will always remember the feeling of that scene. I have an original guide book from the fair and look at it often to remind of the good times had that summer.
The next week, while Shirley was working, I went to see the movie “Billy the Kid” with war hero, Audie Murphy, and a brand new star, Jane Russell. No kids were allowed to see this movie, so when I ordered my ticket I stood on my tip toes to look taller and got to go in. I remember in one scene Billy the Kid got shot in the ear and the special effect was great. I have the movie on VHS and check it out once in awhile. The thing I most remember is Jane Russell! I read somewhere that Howard Hughes, who produced the picture, also designed her brassiere using his engineering skills. Ha!
Another time, while Shirley was working, I went to Playland at the Beach. It was cold and windy and not too many people were there. I went to the bumper car place and there was one other kid there. He was about 2 years older than me and looked like Bomba the Jungle Boy from the Tarzan series. I started bumping his car and we were having a lot of fun. When it was over, he asked if I wanted to do it again and said he would pay for it. We did it several times and he would never let me pay for it. We then went to the roller coaster where you were in a log and at the end of the ride, you slid into a water trough to stop. Then we ate something and went into the fun house. Still, he would not let me pay for anything.
As it was nearing 5 PM and Shirley would be coming home soon, I told him that I had to go home. He asked me how I was going and I told him by street car. He gave me a $5 bill and said to take a taxi. I took the bill but still took the street car.
The next morning, this kid’s picture was on the front page of the Chronicle, he had robbed a service station in Oakland and I had helped him spend his ill gotten gains! I suppose I was his accomplice and it was my first and only criminal act.
The times in San Francisco that summer are still remembered as one of my best summers.
Shirley had told me that her address, 28 Waldo Alley, was up the hill from Market Street so I started walking carrying my heavy suitcase. I was dressed in suit with a tie and Fedora hat. My mom had pinned Shirley’s address and phone number to my coat, shirt, pants and maybe even my shorts! After I climbed up a few hills, I was pooped so I asked a cop about where 28 Waldo Alley was and he pointed to another hill off in the distance. He wanted to know if he could call me a cab and I said OK. The cabbie finally found the address in a short street off a main street 10 or so blocks from the Bay.
The cabbie carried my suitcase up three flights of stairs and I knocked on the door and Shirley came out. I had wanted to make sure I had the right address. I asked the cabbie how much the fare was and he said “45 cents”. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of country bumpkin so I gave him 50 cents and said “Keep the change”. That was probably equal to a $2.00 tip when he told the other cabbies about me.
A few days later, I saw a parade on Market Street for the San Francisco World’s Fair. There were city dignitaries, members of various countries from the fair, Circus performers and animals. There was even a group of women from Sally Rand’s Nude Ranch! They were on horseback with cowboy hats, neckerchiefs and pistols placed strategically to cover up what I was too young to see. Damn!!
The next day, I took the Key System train to Treasure Island. They first thing you saw was the giant state of Pacifica. You were surrounded by foreign looking people, many languages and an opportunity to try foods from many countries. I saw Robert Ripley’s Believe it or Not with the man himself. I saw a China Clipper take off for Hawaii. I saw a famous stunt flyer, Tex Rickert, fly upside down 15’ off the ground and pick a handkerchief being held up for him by a man on the ground. There was an animated diorama of Prehistoric life with a cave man and a saber toothed tiger. The tiger had opened and closed his mouth so often the sawdust stuffing was starting to come out.
I saw Wendell Willkie who was campaigning for President come by and wave to the people. I saw a 26’ long python being taken to a new cage being held in a straight line by 20 burly men.
Finally, as it was beginning to get dark, I went to see the huge production called The Cavalcade of the Golden West. It was on a 300’ long stage. There was a recreation of the Oklahoma Land Rush, Custer’s Last Stand., the discovery of gold at Sutter’s Mill, and other historic events. At the end, there was a cattle drive across the stage. A “moon” object was up at the top of the stage against the background of the skyscrapers of San Francisco. On the left, was a cowboy singing a lulling song for the nighttime cattle drive. It was Eddy Arnold singing Cattle Call. I will always remember the feeling of that scene. I have an original guide book from the fair and look at it often to remind of the good times had that summer.
The next week, while Shirley was working, I went to see the movie “Billy the Kid” with war hero, Audie Murphy, and a brand new star, Jane Russell. No kids were allowed to see this movie, so when I ordered my ticket I stood on my tip toes to look taller and got to go in. I remember in one scene Billy the Kid got shot in the ear and the special effect was great. I have the movie on VHS and check it out once in awhile. The thing I most remember is Jane Russell! I read somewhere that Howard Hughes, who produced the picture, also designed her brassiere using his engineering skills. Ha!
Another time, while Shirley was working, I went to Playland at the Beach. It was cold and windy and not too many people were there. I went to the bumper car place and there was one other kid there. He was about 2 years older than me and looked like Bomba the Jungle Boy from the Tarzan series. I started bumping his car and we were having a lot of fun. When it was over, he asked if I wanted to do it again and said he would pay for it. We did it several times and he would never let me pay for it. We then went to the roller coaster where you were in a log and at the end of the ride, you slid into a water trough to stop. Then we ate something and went into the fun house. Still, he would not let me pay for anything.
As it was nearing 5 PM and Shirley would be coming home soon, I told him that I had to go home. He asked me how I was going and I told him by street car. He gave me a $5 bill and said to take a taxi. I took the bill but still took the street car.
The next morning, this kid’s picture was on the front page of the Chronicle, he had robbed a service station in Oakland and I had helped him spend his ill gotten gains! I suppose I was his accomplice and it was my first and only criminal act.
The times in San Francisco that summer are still remembered as one of my best summers.
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